This guy I’m talking to is Hispanic and he calls me “little girl.”
I think he does it to be funny because he knows I’m into ddlg stuff, but it makes me melt every time. I call him papi (also as a joke) but he doesn’t like it haha.
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i guess im just annoyed because he was all “oh i deleted my tumblr because our break up sounded rapey and i didnt want anyone contacting me about it”
like, it was rapey? i was violated in an emotional and mental way??? for the millionth time in my life??? as a person who has a history of abuse???? so of course im going to freak out over someone not respecting my right to say no??? and then taking my agency away by saying “you cant break up with me im breaking up with you” ???????
like, if thats not violation idk what is????? and he can say all day long that “i was just trying to help you with a math problem” but thats not what it is at all
literally suck my dick
rad messaged me and asked me how i was doing
im so annoyed
Anonymous asked: I would say at this point, it is a crutch and not compatible due to no fault of your own, but bpd and the lifestyle you had with rad is not sustainable in the long term and I think you know that. if you can make it into the sex therapy you talked about awhile back and have them share notes with your weekly therapist, there may be some other way, but until you are healthy and can set healthy habits and controls for yourself, you may want to put up more deliberate boundaries in bedroom life.
i don’t think that the lifestyle we had was unsustainable (except for the part where he would spend frivolously). i know lots of kinky couples who have been together for a lifetime. but i don’t think that the relationship we had was, just due to us being so different in nature. i always sort of knew that he wasn’t “the one” or anything, but he was my daddy (even if he was a shit one), so that’s been tough.
i’ve brought up my kinkiness in my therapy before, but my therapist doesn’t see it as a problem. but for sure about making healthy habits for myself before entering into anything again. although the way i’ve always done that was through having a power exchange dynamic (like i had rules about standing up for myself, talking to people when i’m bummy, etc), so who knows.
i’m sure i’ll figure it out
Anonymous asked: You're welcome! Start making plans and lists of the things you want to change and grow into. Taking ownership of yourself may be the most liberating thing you can do for yourself, and have it not to be for the satisfaction of someone else. I think you will feel so much better when the "sub" part of you doesn't permeate your life outside the bedroom.
i def want to start going to the gym more again. that’s on the list for sure.
it’s hard to say if i’ll be happier or not because i think it’s such a big part of who i am as a person. but i do think i’ve used my submission as a crutch/way to avoid my indecisiveness and intensity that comes with my bpd. we’ll see how it goes while i’m alone. there will be updates as always !
(i wonder who you are, anon)